dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
