"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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