Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
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As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize