you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
