just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
