The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
