She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
