true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
being pregnant is like rehab
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
