are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
