Porn is love you can see.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
