He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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