I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
