found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
