I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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