like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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