Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
