I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
