Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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