im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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