I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
