No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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