Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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