Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
