I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
