that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
