are you still at the devil's house?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize