I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
