Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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