....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's the barista slut.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
