oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't turn off my feet"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
