i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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