Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
