Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
