I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize