I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
