if i can run in heels then i can drive
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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