I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
