Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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