I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
