Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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