I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
