how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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