There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
