i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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