Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
meet me or not, i'm out of control
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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