Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
