i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Damn victory sex feels great
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
