I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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