I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
