shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
