He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
