I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
