He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
