remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize