would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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