I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
