everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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