It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
