So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
