living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
