Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
