You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize