If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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