What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
