we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
