Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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