if i can run in heels then i can drive
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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