Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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