i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
home. puking in laundry basket.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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